yes, i would love to revise, but first i want to be the very best… the best there ever was


so basically my a levels are now completely doomed since i decided to kill some time and avoid revision by tidying one of my old cupboards. In which i found my old game boy advance sp. This thing was practically my only source of entertainment for most of my childhood, and the best part, I still had my old Pokemon games saved, i loaded up leaf green and found myself in the old power station en route to catching zapdos with a level 68 mewtwo in my party. I have never been more proud of young me. Ever. and that’s the reason i will now fail my a levels: when i feel like being a god of all things Pokemon i can play leaf green, but if i want to truly re live my childhood i started my journey of rediscovery by restarting my game on sapphire, Nostalgia is the best thing.

On a slightly more depressing note, my parents are now home and my life has become almost completely unbearable; dad jumps down my throat about everything and mum is convinced that i hate her, i now don’t want to leave my room for fear of being shouted at by dad or guilt-tripped by mum for not arranging some sofa cushions properly, I can’t revise properly because i’m too busy trying to deal with all the tiny things i have done wrong around the house. I can’t sleep any more because I just worry about everything and on top of all of this a whole number of other shitty personal things happened over Easter which i shan’t go in to. I dont know how much more of this i can take, just leaving and getting the train somewhere else is getting to seem like a more and more enticing option just to get away from my parents.

So that’s what i did over my Easter holidays

the magical pastie xx


two weeks alone, one month until a levels, zero hours of revisison.

ahoyhoy internet peoples

so yea, as you may know already, in England anyone over the age of about 15 mortally fears the dates between about the first of April and the end of June, this is not due to some sort of horrific ceremony of permanently attaching a top hat to their heads, and replacing their blood with tea (that happens on your 18th birthday) but because of the horror that is exams (dun dun DUUUUUUUN). Basically rather than using exams to check if we have learned stuff like they are supposed to be used, these two hour long data vomiting sessions now decide the outcome of your entire life, and frankly its a bit silly.

basically universities say that in order to study a certain course with them then you need a set of three letters (most of the time not related to anything) that determine how well you can brutally force information in to your brain, fueled by only coffee and dubstep at 3AM in the morning, before regurgitating that knowledge back on to some paper, kind of like filling a balloon  with really chunky pasta sauce, then letting go of the neck and aiming it at a canvas, hoping that the result looks a bit like the mona lisa. At A – level… level… we have to learn 4 subjects to a pretty high level in order to do well in these exams and get the necessary grades to go study one thing at uni, Universities sometimes (and usually incorrectly) separate these subjects in to ‘soft’ (art, DT, interpretive dance, underwater basket weaving) and ‘hard’ subjects (science and maths (but not psychology, because:


but anyway, apart from that it doesn’t really matter what subjects you choose, so long as they are ‘hard’, to the extent that university entry requirements have begun to sound like badly scripted porn, always asking for harder and harder subjects. But studies have shown that all these exams don’t actually mean we remember things better, someone could get 100% in an exam, then a month later, or in my case 30 seconds after finishing, not remember a thing about the subject. I got a solid A in history, and yet now i can barely recall anything that we learned, that data space in my brain has been filled with song lyrics, internal rants and movie quotes. So why don’t we go all Finnish on the education system, with only one exam when students are 16, apart from the occasional topic test, and then train people for specific jobs once they apply. For proof that it works just look at how happy the Fins are…

and the answer, as with most things British  is that it’s tradition to drill information into our skulls so we can robotically repeat it on the whim of any teacher who dares question our knowledge of Pittite economic policy (Google it, its fascinating…). Its the same with most of our crazy traditions that don’t really make sense (queuing, ridiculous language rules, the school house system… even in non boarding schools, bear baiting, degrading the lower classes and casual racism towards anyone [or thing] who ‘looks a bit foreign’) we are so scared to grow up and accept that breaking some traditions may actually be a good thing (shock and awe ensue) we, as people, have learned that change is bad. I think that this is because we assume we are too weak  minded to actually adapt ourselves to this break from normality if it ever happens, despite how ridiculous we look (i mean think how stupid the segregationists in australia look these days, then go look at a picture of an anti gar parade, notice any similarities)  we assume that we wont be able to keep up with change and so we resist it.

so to summarize, that was a really long rant about how A – levels can go lick a bug zapper.

This was a public service announcement brought to you by:

the magical pastie